Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Wesley's Birth Day

On Tuesday, August 31st, 2010, Ryan had to go to work. He was working the early shift that week so he had to start at 6am. This ended up being a very long, long day for him, poor guy. He had just started a new job two weeks before (which we were so thankful for after a year and a half of unemployment) and so taking off time was tricky. He decided he would work the early shift, then come home and pick me up and take me to the hospital. 

My day consisted of sleeping in (as much as you can when you are about 10 months pregnant and you KNOW you are going to have our baby that day). Then I showered and washed/blow dried my hair (girls, you KNOW how important this is!). I tried to clean and get the things done around the house that I knew I wouldn't be able to once we were home. Then I went to CVS and got the prescription for my pain meds filled so they would be ready. I stood there in line waiting for them to fill my prescription thinking how weird it was that I was going to have a baby that day. That just a few hours from then I would meet my son and that I'd be holding him in my arms. When I got back home, I took some time and prayed over my son. For a smooth procedure, that God would guide the doctor's hands and that the baby would be completely healthy. Then I turned on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (which we had just gotten on BluRay so I HAD to watch it before we had the baby, but during which I ended up taking a nap). When Ryan got home from work we had about 20 minutes to grab all of our stuff and head up to the hospital. But, we did manage to take this last belly picture before we left:

39 Weeks

 Once we arrived at the hospital they admitted us. They had a hard time starting my IV because I was still bruised from the one they gave me a week before for the Version. After poking me several times in both hands and wrists they thankfully were able to get one started. They gave me one last ultra sound to make sure the baby was still breech and monitored him for a little while. Ryan and I tried to soak up these last few moments of it just being us. He prayed with me. He prayed for me. He prayed for our son.

When everything was ready we headed down the hall to the operating room. I had to go in by myself and Ryan had to wait outside. They don't allow anyone else in the room when they're administering the spinal for some reason. I'm guessing it has something to do with the gigantic needle the use (although I don't know how gigantic it is because I was too scared to actually look at it). I sat on the edge of the table and faced the nurse and put my arms around her neck so the Anesthesiologist could administer the spinal. Then they had me lay down on the table, arms outstretched (thankfully they didn't fasten my arms to the table) and they turned on the juice.

Then it seems like everything sped up. All of the sudden Ryan was in the room, standing near my head. They drew the blue sheet up across my chest and in front of my face, and my doctors were in the room prepping my belly. And then I started to feel pinching across my lower stomach...like right about where the incision would be. I told the Anesthesiologist and I think he turned up the juice because that went away pretty quick.

After some tugging and pulling, I heard my little boy cry for the first time. They dropped the sheet and I got a little glimpse of my son. They took him to the corner of the room and washed him off and weighed him. Ryan cut his cord and they wrapped him up and placed him on my chest. This is the moment. THE moment that makes everything worth it. This little boy. This new life. It is a miracle, this life. 

Meeting Wesley

Fresh Out of the Oven

Proud Papa

Cutting the Cord

First Family Photo



In all honesty, I have to admit that I was disappointed that I didn't get to have a "normal" birth experience. I was sad that I never got to experience any of the pain that's associated with laboring to bring a child into the world. I didn't even get to experience a real contraction. (I know, I know, those of you who have been through child birth are reading this and probably telling me in your heads that I didn't miss much, and that I got the easy way out). But that's just it! I feel like I did get the easy way out. I always wanted to have the experience of birthing a child. Of bringing someone that you love so much into the world through much effort. I went through this pregnancy with a few other girls who were also pregnant at the same time and each of them had normal deliveries. Hearing their stories of delivery really made me feel left out of the "club." I couldn't commiserate with them on how hard labor was. I feel like I missed out on a huge part of womanhood. I missed having the anticipation of not knowing when the baby was going to come. I missed telling my husband that "it's time!" and rush to the hospital. I missed having my husband coach me through labor, and the bond we would have from such an emotional experience. For me, having a c-section was like running a marathon and then quitting 50 yards away from the finish line. This loss of experience is something that I've had to grieve over.

Don't get me wrong. I do know that it's not really about how the baby gets here, but that the baby is here and is healthy. God has shown me a lot about my experience since then, but that is how I honestly felt at the time. I've gained the knowledge that we have amazing technologies in our hospitals these days that can accommodate so many different scenarios. I've gained the experience of my husband holding my hand as I go through major abdominal surgery. I've gained the experience of seeing my husband take charge those first few days and take care of our son when I could barely move. I've gained the blessing of seeing the bond they have formed because of that. And, really, I've gained my life and my baby's life. If this pregnancy had taken place outside of the availability of our technology and the surgeons who know how to do what they do, Wesley and I most likely could have died during child birth. Once God showed me this I became much more thankful for His providence.

Oh my sweet WesleyBoy. I love him. And everything we went through to be blessed with this little life was so so worth it.

Welsey Mason McCawley • August 31, 2010 • 6:04pm • 7 lbs. 4 oz. 18.5"

Wesley's Turn Day

31 Weeks

The story of Wesley's birthday actually starts a week before the day he came into the world. Wesley was breech. "Frank Breech" they call it. Why do they call it Frank Breech you ask? Because, Frankly, it sucks. This type of breech means A. They will want to perform a "Version" and B. If that doesn't work, they will deliver the baby via c-section. Oh what's a "Version?" Don't worry, we'll get to that fun topic later!

 So, Frank Breech. This is where the baby is head up (instead of head down) and in a piked position with the feet up at the head. Wesley is one flexible little guy! The picture below is of the baby facing forward, but Wesley was actually facing to my left. So if you were to look at me straight on, you would have seen his profile (if you had X-Ray glasses on and wanted to look through a pregnant lady's clothes and skin...ew, and, weird). Anyway, I think his position actually made my belly appear to be smaller, so there is an upside! :)

I found this funny illustration on someone else's blog, but it captures my sentiments at that time. :)

 By the time I reached 38 weeks, Wes still hadn't flipped. So they scheduled a Version. This is where they try to flip the baby from the outside. I was admitted to the hospital and given an IV (in case the stress from the procedure sent the baby into distress and/or started labor). They gave me some kind of medicine that made me feel like I had just downed 5 shots of espresso and 2 Red Bulls and then told me to relax. Haha. My heart was racing. They oiled up my belly and got to work. One doctor held the ultra sound wand to my belly to monitor the baby and the other started pushing/pulling on my stomach. He grabbed Wes (on the outside) by the foot and tried to pull his feet down while at the same time pushing the back of his head forward so that Wes would hopefully flip down. The doctor tried this 3 times. It felt like Wes got about half way one of the times but then flipped back up into his breech position. After the third try the doctor gave up and said, "Good luck with that one, you've got a stubborn one on your hands."

There are some moments when I think he is right.

 Because of the unsuccessful Version, they scheduled me for a c-section the following week. The doctor's office had to call me later that day after they were able to look at the c-section calendar. I had gone back to work after my appointment and received the phone call at my desk. They said they had scheduled my c-section for the following Tuesday, August 31. At first I had a hard time accepting this. Not because I was having a c-section but because I was having my baby in August. My due date was September 7th. I was supposed to have a September baby. I was even thinking I would go late and I would get to have my baby on September 10th, so that my baby would have the birthday 09.10.11. (Yes, I was a crazy pregnant lady who thought I could plan this all out). For some reason it was just so weird to think that my baby was going to be an August baby and not a September baby, even if it was only by 24 hours. The doctor even checked the schedule again and called me later that night to let me know they couldn't get a later date. (I have a pretty awesome doctor, yes!).

And so, I finished out that week at work. Helped throw a baby shower for one of my best friends on Saturday and prepared to have my baby on Tuesday, August 31st, when my whole world would open to a newness and refreshment of life and love.