My day consisted of sleeping in (as much as you can when you are about 10 months pregnant and you KNOW you are going to have our baby that day). Then I showered and washed/blow dried my hair (girls, you KNOW how important this is!). I tried to clean and get the things done around the house that I knew I wouldn't be able to once we were home. Then I went to CVS and got the prescription for my pain meds filled so they would be ready. I stood there in line waiting for them to fill my prescription thinking how weird it was that I was going to have a baby that day. That just a few hours from then I would meet my son and that I'd be holding him in my arms. When I got back home, I took some time and prayed over my son. For a smooth procedure, that God would guide the doctor's hands and that the baby would be completely healthy. Then I turned on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (which we had just gotten on BluRay so I HAD to watch it before we had the baby, but during which I ended up taking a nap). When Ryan got home from work we had about 20 minutes to grab all of our stuff and head up to the hospital. But, we did manage to take this last belly picture before we left:
Once we arrived at the hospital they admitted us. They had a hard time starting my IV because I was still bruised from the one they gave me a week before for the Version. After poking me several times in both hands and wrists they thankfully were able to get one started. They gave me one last ultra sound to make sure the baby was still breech and monitored him for a little while. Ryan and I tried to soak up these last few moments of it just being us. He prayed with me. He prayed for me. He prayed for our son.
When everything was ready we headed down the hall to the operating room. I had to go in by myself and Ryan had to wait outside. They don't allow anyone else in the room when they're administering the spinal for some reason. I'm guessing it has something to do with the gigantic needle the use (although I don't know how gigantic it is because I was too scared to actually look at it). I sat on the edge of the table and faced the nurse and put my arms around her neck so the Anesthesiologist could administer the spinal. Then they had me lay down on the table, arms outstretched (thankfully they didn't fasten my arms to the table) and they turned on the juice.
Then it seems like everything sped up. All of the sudden Ryan was in the room, standing near my head. They drew the blue sheet up across my chest and in front of my face, and my doctors were in the room prepping my belly. And then I started to feel pinching across my lower stomach...like right about where the incision would be. I told the Anesthesiologist and I think he turned up the juice because that went away pretty quick.
After some tugging and pulling, I heard my little boy cry for the first time. They dropped the sheet and I got a little glimpse of my son. They took him to the corner of the room and washed him off and weighed him. Ryan cut his cord and they wrapped him up and placed him on my chest. This is the moment. THE moment that makes everything worth it. This little boy. This new life. It is a miracle, this life.
|Fresh Out of the Oven|
|Cutting the Cord|
|First Family Photo|
In all honesty, I have to admit that I was disappointed that I didn't get to have a "normal" birth experience. I was sad that I never got to experience any of the pain that's associated with laboring to bring a child into the world. I didn't even get to experience a real contraction. (I know, I know, those of you who have been through child birth are reading this and probably telling me in your heads that I didn't miss much, and that I got the easy way out). But that's just it! I feel like I did get the easy way out. I always wanted to have the experience of birthing a child. Of bringing someone that you love so much into the world through much effort. I went through this pregnancy with a few other girls who were also pregnant at the same time and each of them had normal deliveries. Hearing their stories of delivery really made me feel left out of the "club." I couldn't commiserate with them on how hard labor was. I feel like I missed out on a huge part of womanhood. I missed having the anticipation of not knowing when the baby was going to come. I missed telling my husband that "it's time!" and rush to the hospital. I missed having my husband coach me through labor, and the bond we would have from such an emotional experience. For me, having a c-section was like running a marathon and then quitting 50 yards away from the finish line. This loss of experience is something that I've had to grieve over.
Don't get me wrong. I do know that it's not really about how the baby gets here, but that the baby is here and is healthy. God has shown me a lot about my experience since then, but that is how I honestly felt at the time. I've gained the knowledge that we have amazing technologies in our hospitals these days that can accommodate so many different scenarios. I've gained the experience of my husband holding my hand as I go through major abdominal surgery. I've gained the experience of seeing my husband take charge those first few days and take care of our son when I could barely move. I've gained the blessing of seeing the bond they have formed because of that. And, really, I've gained my life and my baby's life. If this pregnancy had taken place outside of the availability of our technology and the surgeons who know how to do what they do, Wesley and I most likely could have died during child birth. Once God showed me this I became much more thankful for His providence.
Oh my sweet WesleyBoy. I love him. And everything we went through to be blessed with this little life was so so worth it.
|Welsey Mason McCawley • August 31, 2010 • 6:04pm • 7 lbs. 4 oz. 18.5"|