FUN!

Wes,

Your new favorite word is "FUN!" and you say it with such enthusiasm. I love that you can say this word now because you love to tell us when you're having "FUN!"

We'll spin you around and you'll say it, or when we drive over speed bumps, or when you watch your favorite part in the Cars movie you'll say it then too.

I just love to hear you say it because I love to know what you think is "FUN!" Like when we're chasing you and you run with your little arms held out to the side, or you're running back and forth on the couch, or when we pile the blankets and pillows on the floor so you can jump on them.

You even say, "So FUN!" When you're really having a good time!

Wesley, YOU'RE "FUN!" And I have so much fun being your Mommy!

I love you!

ChooChoos, BatGoats & Halloween!

This week was fun! Ryan had to work on Saturday so Wes and I met the Doans at the Irvine Railroad Park. Wes had a blast playing with Olivia and Evan, riding on the train, and petting the animals at the petting zoo. It was so funny: the animals were wearing costumes for Halloween and I brought Wes to one of the goats to pet it. He started petting the costume and not the actual goat. Oh Wes! He also got to pet a snake, a hissing cockroach (ew!) and see some bears and a mountain lion!

Tuesday night we met the Livseys at Disneyland. Wes loooooooves Nathan! They are such buddies. It is always a refreshing time being with them, our friendship is so easy. It was great seeing the Halloween decorations, and riding Finding Nemo (Wes loves this movie right now so it was fun seeing him experience this ride). We also went on Haunted Mansion which had been redecorated for Nightmare Before Christmas. Wes got scared in the elevator portion but ended up liking the ride at the end.

On Wednesday of this week it was Halloween. Wes really got it this year! We met the Doans at their old neighborhood and had so much fun trick-or-treating with them. After taking Wes up to about 3 houses he got the concept and started taking off running down the sidewalk with Olivia. It was so fun to watch him be such a kid! He was wearing a blue dinosaur/monster thing that had a tail and it was so cute watching his little tail wag back and forth as he ran down the side walk.

We went to Gromie and Papa's after and saw them for a little bit. Then we went to our own street and walked up and down. It was great, our street had several houses that really went all out! Wes stood in front of a few of them for awhile trying to figure out what to make of all the scary things. One place even had a bubble machine that had fog inside the bubbles. Wes loved playing with those! We were there for awhile. Haha!

Wes got the hang of saying "treat" this week, and is ALWAYS asking for one. I guess if you're going to learn the word "treat" this is the perfect time of year!

A Moment Cherished

Trying to store up moments in my heart. Moments of Wes being little.

Putting him to bed tonight. Sitting on my lap in the rocker. Soft, blond, whispy curls under my chin. I sing to him in the dark room.

Lullaby and goodnight
Go to sleep my sweet Wesley
Go to sleep and dream
Go to sleep and dream

Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep and dream
Go to sleep
Go to sleep
Go to sleep and dream

(Obviously I don't know the words to this song...) :)

As I'm singing to him, he sighs. I can feel his rib cage expand and collapse on my chest. And I thought, "I love this moment!" He wasn't doing anything particularly special, just breathing. Just being himself.

That's it. That's all it took for a big overwhelming wave of joy to wash over me. That I get to experience this special gift of being a mother. That God chose me to be this precious little boy's "Mama." And that God loves me (but in an infinitely deeper way) for just being me.

"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." Zephaniah 3:17

We Have A Walker!

Wes has been on the cusp of walking for about a month now. For a few weeks he would only walk between Ryan and I. We would sit facing each other and encourage him to walk between us. But over the last couple of days he will stand up on his own and walk! I caught him walking down the hall and also walking from the middle of his room to his dresser. The other night we went down to the beach to see the tide pools, and captured him taking a few steps on the sand. And tonight as I write this he will stand up, takes a few steps, repeat! I think we can officially say that he "is walking!"

I am really excited that at 14 months he has reached this milestone. I find it funny when people say that it gets harder once they are walking. I know that we might have to do things slower because he will want to walk on his own instead of being carried and that I will be chasing after him more. But I am really excited for this new independence for him and the new stage that this brings us to. I am thankful for the long time we have had between milestones. I feel like we have really gotten to enjoy each stage of development to it's fullest.

A few of the precious walking moments we captured and the beautiful beach setting... we are so blessed!

Wesley's Birth Day

On Tuesday, August 31st, 2010, Ryan had to go to work. He was working the early shift that week so he had to start at 6am. This ended up being a very long, long day for him, poor guy. He had just started a new job two weeks before (which we were so thankful for after a year and a half of unemployment) and so taking off time was tricky. He decided he would work the early shift, then come home and pick me up and take me to the hospital. 

My day consisted of sleeping in (as much as you can when you are about 10 months pregnant and you KNOW you are going to have our baby that day). Then I showered and washed/blow dried my hair (girls, you KNOW how important this is!). I tried to clean and get the things done around the house that I knew I wouldn't be able to once we were home. Then I went to CVS and got the prescription for my pain meds filled so they would be ready. I stood there in line waiting for them to fill my prescription thinking how weird it was that I was going to have a baby that day. That just a few hours from then I would meet my son and that I'd be holding him in my arms. When I got back home, I took some time and prayed over my son. For a smooth procedure, that God would guide the doctor's hands and that the baby would be completely healthy. Then I turned on Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (which we had just gotten on BluRay so I HAD to watch it before we had the baby, but during which I ended up taking a nap). When Ryan got home from work we had about 20 minutes to grab all of our stuff and head up to the hospital. But, we did manage to take this last belly picture before we left:

39 Weeks

 Once we arrived at the hospital they admitted us. They had a hard time starting my IV because I was still bruised from the one they gave me a week before for the Version. After poking me several times in both hands and wrists they thankfully were able to get one started. They gave me one last ultra sound to make sure the baby was still breech and monitored him for a little while. Ryan and I tried to soak up these last few moments of it just being us. He prayed with me. He prayed for me. He prayed for our son.

When everything was ready we headed down the hall to the operating room. I had to go in by myself and Ryan had to wait outside. They don't allow anyone else in the room when they're administering the spinal for some reason. I'm guessing it has something to do with the gigantic needle the use (although I don't know how gigantic it is because I was too scared to actually look at it). I sat on the edge of the table and faced the nurse and put my arms around her neck so the Anesthesiologist could administer the spinal. Then they had me lay down on the table, arms outstretched (thankfully they didn't fasten my arms to the table) and they turned on the juice.

Then it seems like everything sped up. All of the sudden Ryan was in the room, standing near my head. They drew the blue sheet up across my chest and in front of my face, and my doctors were in the room prepping my belly. And then I started to feel pinching across my lower stomach...like right about where the incision would be. I told the Anesthesiologist and I think he turned up the juice because that went away pretty quick.

After some tugging and pulling, I heard my little boy cry for the first time. They dropped the sheet and I got a little glimpse of my son. They took him to the corner of the room and washed him off and weighed him. Ryan cut his cord and they wrapped him up and placed him on my chest. This is the moment. THE moment that makes everything worth it. This little boy. This new life. It is a miracle, this life. 

Meeting Wesley

Fresh Out of the Oven

Proud Papa

Cutting the Cord

First Family Photo

 

Skin-To-Skin

Footnote:
In all honesty, I have to admit that I was disappointed that I didn't get to have a "normal" birth experience. I was sad that I never got to experience any of the pain that's associated with laboring to bring a child into the world. I didn't even get to experience a real contraction. (I know, I know, those of you who have been through child birth are reading this and probably telling me in your heads that I didn't miss much, and that I got the easy way out). But that's just it! I feel like I did get the easy way out. I always wanted to have the experience of birthing a child. Of bringing someone that you love so much into the world through much effort. I went through this pregnancy with a few other girls who were also pregnant at the same time and each of them had normal deliveries. Hearing their stories of delivery really made me feel left out of the "club." I couldn't commiserate with them on how hard labor was. I feel like I missed out on a huge part of womanhood. I missed having the anticipation of not knowing when the baby was going to come. I missed telling my husband that "it's time!" and rush to the hospital. I missed having my husband coach me through labor, and the bond we would have from such an emotional experience. For me, having a c-section was like running a marathon and then quitting 50 yards away from the finish line. This loss of experience is something that I've had to grieve over.

Don't get me wrong. I do know that it's not really about how the baby gets here, but that the baby is here and is healthy. God has shown me a lot about my experience since then, but that is how I honestly felt at the time. I've gained the knowledge that we have amazing technologies in our hospitals these days that can accommodate so many different scenarios. I've gained the experience of my husband holding my hand as I go through major abdominal surgery. I've gained the experience of seeing my husband take charge those first few days and take care of our son when I could barely move. I've gained the blessing of seeing the bond they have formed because of that. And, really, I've gained my life and my baby's life. If this pregnancy had taken place outside of the availability of our technology and the surgeons who know how to do what they do, Wesley and I most likely could have died during child birth. Once God showed me this I became much more thankful for His providence.

Oh my sweet WesleyBoy. I love him. And everything we went through to be blessed with this little life was so so worth it.

Welsey Mason McCawley • August 31, 2010 • 6:04pm • 7 lbs. 4 oz. 18.5"

Wesley's Turn Day

31 Weeks

The story of Wesley's birthday actually starts a week before the day he came into the world. Wesley was breech. "Frank Breech" they call it. Why do they call it Frank Breech you ask? Because, Frankly, it sucks. This type of breech means A. They will want to perform a "Version" and B. If that doesn't work, they will deliver the baby via c-section. Oh what's a "Version?" Don't worry, we'll get to that fun topic later!

 So, Frank Breech. This is where the baby is head up (instead of head down) and in a piked position with the feet up at the head. Wesley is one flexible little guy! The picture below is of the baby facing forward, but Wesley was actually facing to my left. So if you were to look at me straight on, you would have seen his profile (if you had X-Ray glasses on and wanted to look through a pregnant lady's clothes and skin...ew, and, weird). Anyway, I think his position actually made my belly appear to be smaller, so there is an upside! :)

I found this funny illustration on someone else's blog, but it captures my sentiments at that time. :)

 By the time I reached 38 weeks, Wes still hadn't flipped. So they scheduled a Version. This is where they try to flip the baby from the outside. I was admitted to the hospital and given an IV (in case the stress from the procedure sent the baby into distress and/or started labor). They gave me some kind of medicine that made me feel like I had just downed 5 shots of espresso and 2 Red Bulls and then told me to relax. Haha. My heart was racing. They oiled up my belly and got to work. One doctor held the ultra sound wand to my belly to monitor the baby and the other started pushing/pulling on my stomach. He grabbed Wes (on the outside) by the foot and tried to pull his feet down while at the same time pushing the back of his head forward so that Wes would hopefully flip down. The doctor tried this 3 times. It felt like Wes got about half way one of the times but then flipped back up into his breech position. After the third try the doctor gave up and said, "Good luck with that one, you've got a stubborn one on your hands."

There are some moments when I think he is right.

 Because of the unsuccessful Version, they scheduled me for a c-section the following week. The doctor's office had to call me later that day after they were able to look at the c-section calendar. I had gone back to work after my appointment and received the phone call at my desk. They said they had scheduled my c-section for the following Tuesday, August 31. At first I had a hard time accepting this. Not because I was having a c-section but because I was having my baby in August. My due date was September 7th. I was supposed to have a September baby. I was even thinking I would go late and I would get to have my baby on September 10th, so that my baby would have the birthday 09.10.11. (Yes, I was a crazy pregnant lady who thought I could plan this all out). For some reason it was just so weird to think that my baby was going to be an August baby and not a September baby, even if it was only by 24 hours. The doctor even checked the schedule again and called me later that night to let me know they couldn't get a later date. (I have a pretty awesome doctor, yes!).

And so, I finished out that week at work. Helped throw a baby shower for one of my best friends on Saturday and prepared to have my baby on Tuesday, August 31st, when my whole world would open to a newness and refreshment of life and love. 

Week 27

The above picture is for my HSM girls!! (27 Weeks)

These are some more pictures from our friend's, The Brook's, gender reveal party for their baby a few weeks ago...

This is me and Rebecca, who is also pregnant!

Rebecca (at 13 weeks), Kristin (at 20 weeks), Me (at 24 weeks). I love these girls, and love that we are getting to share this season of life!

Week 25

My sister Heather and my niece Charlotte came out to visit this weekend. They stayed with us which was great because I got to monopolize their time, and have tons of one on one time with Charlotte in which I didn't have to share her with anybody! She is so sweet, and having her here this weekend really made me glad that my son and Charlotte will be so close in age. It will be great that they will get to grow up together...I just wish they lived closer!

We went to our friend's baby's gender reveal party on Saturday. It was such a special time to be with them as they found out they will be having a little girl! Mike and Kristin are going to be amazing parents and their daughter will be blessed because of them. It will be exciting to share the ups and downs of parenting with them!

While my sister was here we also were able to register! She was such a help and having her there really helped me not to feel overwhelmed by all of the baby "stuff!" It seems like entering this stage of life requires learning a new language...the language of "Baby Gear." I'm so glad she was here to walk me through the aisles pointing out the items I'll need and the ones not to bother with. I have always loved having an older sister and even as I get older I learn to value that relationship on deeper levels. Love you Heather and Charlotte!